Welcome to my latest blog, all the way from my little one bedroom apartment in Beijing. First let me apologise for the gap between blogs. I have been way too busy living life than writing about it (mmm, might have to remember that phrase and use it again). Let me just say that I could show you the photos of what I have been up to, but that would spoil the magic of telling you. Mind you, if you are following me on Facebook, you might have seen the evidence (except of course the picture of me dancing on a table at a bar to a Beatles cover band. That photo has been confiscated by the secret police for having way too much fun in China!).
Let's get down to the business at hand. Sunday 9th June 2013 marked my one year anniversary of coming to China to start this wonderful adventure. I can remember the day I arrived after a 6 hour flight from Kuala Lumpur, only to discover one of my suitcases was damaged, and the driver sent to pick me up at the airport was not there. Welcome to China!
And here I am one year later...and I'm still here.
So, it got me thinking, what should I write on my blog to mark my one year anniversary in China? Answer questions from my adoring public? Well, did that for 6 month anniversary. Post pictures of me with that famous "selfie" Chinese pose? Did it. Write a 1000 word essay on communism, and what makes it work? Boring!
Then it hit me. Why don't I write a letter to head honcho/big cheese/top dog/paramount leader, President of the People's Republic of China, Mr Xi Jinping, thanking him for making my stay in China so, what's the words, blog worthy! So, blog fans, here it is - my letter to President Xi.
(Please take this for what it is, a bit of fun. I am simply using sarcasm to express a few of the frustrations of living in China. This is no way a dig at the people of China, everyone I have met is kind, gracious, friendly, and more importantly, tolerant of expats)
2013, June 13
Mr Xi Jinping
c/- Zhongnanhai
Beijing, China
Dear Mr President,
First, let me thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I am sure you get many letters from foreigners living in Beijing, and I appreciate you taking time away from running such an enormous country - both in terms of population and geography - to read my letter.
I am from Australia, and have just marked my one year anniversary living in China. I thought to commemorate this occasion, I would write to you personally, thanking you for allowing me to stay in your country, and also to comment on a few things I enjoy about life in China.
As I mentioned I come from Australia, a country where the sky is so blue every day, it gets a bit tiring (unless of course you live in Melbourne). I mean, can you imagine waking up to the same blue sky day after day after day. Boring! That is what makes Beijing so exciting. You wake up one day, blue sky. The next, such a thick layer of smog that you can almost taste it. And last week, when it rained and the smog was so thick, it had a special "burny" quality to it. Oh, and don't worry about my umbrella that melted, it was getting old anyway.
The one thing I love about air travel in China is the amount of time I get to relax, stretch my legs, and sit on a plane on the tarmac at Beijing airport not going anywhere. I mean, let's face it, other countries just get you onto the plane, and before you know it you're in the air and on your way to your destination. Not in China. You get on the plane, then sit there for 45 minutes before the plane moves. It's a great opportunity to catch up on the phone conversations that everyone around me is having while we sit and relax.
I do love how a large amount of people who travel by plane cannot bear to hang up the phone when it's time to take off. I mean, I enjoy hearing the slightly elevated volume of 200 people talking on their phones. It gives me practice in understanding the language. And it's the same 200 people who again turn on their phone as soon as the nose wheel touches the runway when we arrive at our destination, desperately wanting to finish that conversation with friend or family. I mean, that is special.
And speaking of phones, some people in China have great mobile phone etiquette, and this is obviously something that comes from up high. I've always been fascinated by people who look at where they are walking, with their heads held high. I mean, what is there to see. Some people in China have got it right. Look down and watch the movie on your smart phone, or finish writing that text message while you are walking. It's called multi tasking, and I love a bit of multi tasking. And don't worry about people like me who run into you. It just gives me practice in saying "sorry" in Mandarin. Practice I so desperately need.
It's also great that your government gainfully employs 50,000 people in your censorship department. More countries should follow your lead and help the economy in a similar manner. I mean, what would those 50,000 people do if it wasn't for the censorship of the countries internet and media. It makes me happy that I am living in a country that has their finger on the pulse - and the button. You should be very proud of your censors. The other night I was watching CNN, and the presenter didn't even get the word "Tiananmen" out before the screen went black. Please pass on my congratulations for a job well done.
Finally, I want to thank you for helping with a serious health issue I have had now for most of my life. Ever since I can remember, I have had this tendency to react at the sound of a car horn, either to look in the direction of the horn, or to stop where I am to avoid being potentially struck by traffic. The overuse of the car horn in China has now made me immune to the sound of the car horn. In fact, on a recent visit back to Australia, I was reminded of the annoyance of the car horn after one was used to warn me that I was about to get run over. Thank you for making me immune to such an annoying device, and to potentially save me from severe neck injuries associated with whipping your head around to see a potential danger.
I appreciate you taking the time to read my letter, and my reasons that I find China such an interesting country. It is such an amazing country, deep with culture, that I have decided to stay here for a further 12 months to continue this adventure.
Kind Regards,
Barry Keohane
PS: As much as I enjoy the public holidays, is it possible to take a vote at the next party meeting to remove the fact we have to work on the weekend before and/or after public holidays. I mean, you must hate working on a Sunday?
