Domo Arigato Mr.Roboto

Welcome back sports fans!

This blog is another slight diversion from my life in China.  The week before last week was "Golden Week" - 6 days of holidays for National Day, and one of the largest movement of people in the world.  The government estimates that during that week, 610 million Chinese travel.  Extra trains and planes are put on to cover the holidays.  Let's just say that's alot of extra inflight meals.

Being in Asia, I had a lot of options available for the week.  I could stay in Beijing and enjoy the less people/less traffic week, or I could travel somewhere else in China.  I could go to Vietnam, Cambodia or even go and lie on the beach in Thailand.  All very tempting. But I decided to go and visit Tokyo.

It was a mad, hectic and very enjoyable 5 days in Tokyo, so I have decided to dedicate this blog to my time in Tokyo, and write about the top 5 things I did (or in one case didn't do) in Tokyo.

1.  Eating

What better place to start my Tokyo blog than to talk about the food. I know when I think of Japanese food, I think of Sushi, Tempura, Ramen and my favourite Teriyaki Chicken (with the additional sake of course), and of course it was everywhere.  One of the things I did love about Tokyo is that the food was convenient, fast, and relatively cheap.  And if you can operate a vending machine, life is good.

One of the places I found in Tokyo (actually I didn't find it, I followed my guidebook) was called "Ichiron", a restaurant chain that specialises in ramen.  I managed to find one near the Tokyo National Museum (even though there was no English signage.  I had to ask someone where it was).  The way it worked at Ichiron was this - you entered the store and bought your ramen ticket from a vending machine.  The waitress then gives you a form which you complete to let them know how you want your ramen (it's specially prepared for you).  You then sit in a cubicle, fill out your form, and hand it to the staff.  Within about 5 minutes, your ramen appears, prepared exactly the way you want.  Brilliant!

Left:  The vending machine, which includes pictures AND English menu.

Right: The form (in English) asking how you like the flavour, how much garlic, texture of noodles, and whether you would like fries with that (OK, maybe not the last bit)

Below Left: The cubicles.  It reminded me of the voting cubicles in Australia

                                                      Right: The final product, all delivered through a bamboo curtain which is then lowered so you can sit in your cubicle, and enjoy your ramen.




2. Kabuki Theatre

Never let the weather spoil a good holiday, so even though it was raining on my first full day in Tokyo, I hit the streets.  The night before I discovered that near Ginza shopping mall was a Kabuki theatre (traditional Japanese dance/drama), so I went for a look.  The show was due to start at 11am, and I arrived about 10am.  I found an English speaking staff member who said that I could line up and buy a ticket for one act, for just 1000 Yen (About AUD$10).  The first act was 40 minutes.  After he told me that the whole show was 4 hours, I decided to take his advice.  I took my place in the line and waited to buy my ticket.  The first 90 people in the line get a seat.  Anyone after can stand at the back of the theatre.  I was sitting next to a girl and her mother who were Japanese, but actually lived in Perth (what are the chances?!). They told me we were very lucky to get near the front of the line as it gets very popular.

So, what can I say about Kabuki theatre?  The costumes were colourful, the show was very dramatic, and the females roles were played by men (which I discovered was part of the tradition).  And the language they use is so old, that most Japanese find it hard to understand.  It is something you have to try, but I recommend buying the English audio translation, as I understood nothing!

          

             

3.  Tsukiji Fish Market

According to my guide book, one of the things you must do in Tokyo is visit the tuna auctions at the Tsukiji Fish Market.  The fish market is the biggest wholesale fish market in the world, and the auction takes place at 5:30am each morning (except Sunday).  It is recommended that you arrive at 5am and register, as they only take 120 people.  Let's do it!

I did the right thing - early dinner, back at the hotel, and in bed by 9pm.  Had the worst night sleep, and ended up getting about 2-3 hours sleep.  When the alarm went off at 4am, I did think about sleeping in and skipping the fish market.  But hey, I'm on holidays! So,I dragged myself out of bed, hit the shower, and was in the taxi at 4:30 for the short 10 minute drive.

Now let me paint the scene.  The guidebook (and the hotel staff, the website, every forum I read) all said that you need to be there at 5am to register, and they let the first group in (60 people) around 5:20.  I had 3 hours sleep, it was raining (again), it was dark, and I was heading to a fish market.  The taxi driver spoke English, so he knew where I wanted to go.  I arrived at 4:45am to be greeted with the sign "Registration for Today Finished".  Finished?  Finished?  Is Finished Japanese for "Come in an enjoy our fish market"? How could it be finished?  I went up to the security staff and asked for an explanation.  They said (in very broken English) that I was too late, I need to come at 4am!

4am?!  Where did it say that in the guidebook ? I knew I should have bought the Lonely Planet guide instead of the brand I bought.  I bet Lonely Planet says 4am.  But what was there to argue about.  There was nothing I could do.  I walked around the outer markets, tried to find the courage to try sushi at 5am in the morning (it didn't happen), then pulled up stumps and went back to the hotel for bacon and eggs.

 Left: What I look like at 5am in Tokyo after 3 hours sleep and being refused entry to the fish market (I believe I had just consumed a Red Bull)

Below:  My only proof I was at the fish market (apart from a slight fishy smell which I carried around with me all day)















4.  Akihabara and the Maid Cafes (AKA "Nerd Central")

The day I went to Akihabara was a day where I experienced both ends of the cultural spectrum.  In the morning I went to the Tokyo National Museum - looked at the art, the swords, the fashion, the history- you know, everything you do at a museum.  Always nice to get a bit of culture.  Then 3 hours later, I was being offered coffee and cake (including singing and dancing) by a young Japanese girl dressed as a maid!

Akihabara is also known as "Electric Town" - you can buy everything electronic.  From cameras, and TV's to spy cameras, games, comics, costumes, DVD's.  For me, it was nerd central.  I was home!  But one of the other things that this area is known for is the "maid cafes".  I read about these in the guide book (who am I to say no to a pretty girl dressed as a maid), so I wanted to discover them for myself.

The whole idea behind the maid cafe is they are designed to target the nerds (Ie. Me!) who frequent the area.  The girls are dressed as maids, they serve you tea/coffee/beer/cake/desserts etc, plus they will sing and dance for you.  I approached a "maid" on the streets, and got a brochure.  She explained that there was a 1000 Yen cover charge, and they have many kinds of drinks.  OK, sure.  Let's give it a try.  If anything else, I could get some nice photos.

"No photos! No photos!". the girl explained as she was leading me up the stairs.  OK, so I am going to pay 1000 Yen (plus) for a beer and a biscuit, served by a pretty girl, and I won't be able to show photos to my friends?  Forget it....And I have to say, the girls looked very young. Or maybe it's just me getting old.


















5.  Skytree

From my hotel room I could see the "Skytree" - Tokyo's newest tower, and now officially the tallest tower in the world.  It has only been opened for about a year, and gives you a great view of Tokyo.  On the Wednesday after my visit to the Imperial Palace Gardens (that didn't make my top 5.  Hey, it's a garden!) I decided to go and check out the "Skytree" - along with 8 million other people.

Lining up for a ticket to the Skytree reminded me of lining up for the Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studios.  You join the end of the line, which you see has about 100 people in it.  You slowly move forward, then you get to the front (or what you thought was the front), turn a corner then move into the "second" waiting area, which has about 500 people in it!  At this stage you have already waited 20 minutes, and probably have another 30 minutes.  You are committed now, so you just keep inching forward.

Because it was a clear day (the only clear day when I was there), it was busy.  Line up to get a ticket.  Line up to get in the lift.  Line up to get in the second lift (to the very top).  Line up to get the lift down. Line up to get your photo taken.  Line up to join the line up to the toilet.  You get the idea.

 But the view was spectacular.  Being the tallest tower in the world (and only 12 months old) it was pretty cool.  A few quick snaps from the top.

(I can't remember anything in these photos, except taking the pic of me in front of the mirrored elevator doors - below)

 

5 days is not long, but I managed to get in a whole lot more, including a visit to the Imperial Gardens, Ginza Shopping Mall, Harajuku (just like the Gwen Stefani song), and the Tokyo Dome where they play indoor baseball.  As I wrote on my Facebook page when I came back to Beijing, Tokyo is now one of my favourite cities in the world.  

Oh, and let me leave you with a few quick observations

- Thanks to the Shangri La hotel and their heated toilet seat, I get a shock (and a cold bum) using normal toilets.

- Japanese are very friendly and polite.  They stand to the left on an escalator, they wait for you to get out of the train before you get on, and they don't talk on their mobile phones on the train

- I travelled on the subway everyday for 5 days, and I still don't understand it.

- The "Super Drama" TV channel on Japanese TV has the Big Bang Theory.  How is that drama?

- In Akihabara (see above) they sell photos of young girls for 100 Yen.  I am still not quite sure what for - maybe for fashion tips for the girls, or maybe they are superstars.  Maybe just to show the nerds photos of girls they will "never" get.

- Did I mention the warm toilet seats? Oh yeah, I did.

- I spent the whole time singing lines from "Turning Japanese" and "Domo Arigato Mr Roboto".  Probably not a good thing to do in Japan.

- Japanese can't make pizzas (one night, to have a break from the cuisine, I went to a bar for a beer and a pizza.  Let's just say that I have tasted better pizzas from a microwave).

There you have it blog fans.  My quick trip to Tokyo.  Next time I am going to hike up Mt Fuji, and I might even go back to the fish market.  Let's hope they don't change the time to 3am.

Sayonara!

      

What's the deal with Ovaltine?

Hi everyone,

A slight detour from my normal "life in China" blog this time around.  If you follow me on Facebook and Twitter, you would know that last week I went on a bit of a pilgrimage (for want of a better word) to see one of my all time favourite comedians - Jerry Seinfeld.    Family and friends who know me well know my obsession with Seinfeld (both the man and the show) - from the fact that I own the complete series, to being able to beat other Seinfeld fans at the DVD boardgame (yes, I'm talking about you Dan VanDerMeer).  I even bought the t-shirts! The only other entertainer I am more obsessed with is Billy Joel.

The story of my recent adventure begins in my office in Beijing......

About 3 weeks ago I was sitting in my office thinking what I should do during the upcoming "Mid Autumn" festival (3 days holiday in China), when a little voice in the back of my head reminded me that Jerry Seinfeld was touring around the USA.  What would the chances be that he would have a show during those 3 days? And would there still be tickets available?  How about the flights?  Surely they would be too expensive? And what would I wear?  Perhaps I might get to meet him?

OK, maybe I was getting ahead of myself.  First step, check where he was playing.  I looked up his tour dates, and found he was playing a gig on Friday 20th September in a city called Peoria, just outside of Chicago.  Tickets were sold out on Ticketmaster, but I tracked some down on a site called "Ticket Liquidators".  A little bit more than face value, but acceptable.  And they had seats available in the second row.

Next step, look at flights.  Cheapest I could find was with American.  Beijing - Tokyo - Chicago - Peoria , and return Peoria - Chicago - Beijing.  Let's see.....close to 30 hours round trip for possibly a 90 minute show.  Let's see what people think.

I posted on Facebook my plan and asked for comments.  Should I stay or should I go? I sort of knew what friends would say, and 99.9% of people said "Do it!.  So, I did it.  Flights, accommodation and ticket booked within 30 minutes.  I was off to America to see Jerry Seinfeld.  For 3 nights!  And 30 hours on a plane!  Crazy?!

A quick summary of the trip from Beijing to Peoria, so you can see the pain I went through

1.  Wednesday 18th, got up at 2:30am (was supposed to be 4:30am, but couldn't sleep).  Got a taxi at 5:00am to the airport.

2.  Beijing to Tokyo, arrived in Tokyo at 1pm.  Next flight was at 6:05pm, so I flashed my Qantas Club card at the American Airlines lounge, and chilled for the next 5 hours.

3. Tokyo to Chicago, sat next to a chatty (and slightly drunk) American.  His name was Kevin, and he lived in Thailand and was married to a Thai girl who he kept referring to as "my girl".  Surely she has a name? Watched Monsters University and Star Trek (for the 5th time), and got a few hours sleep.

4. Arrived in Chicago at 4pm (Wednesday), and transferred to my flight to Peoria leaving at 6:00pm.  Due to thunder storms, we sat on the plane for 90 minutes because of the lightening as they closed the ground operations.  5 minutes earlier, we would have been on our way.

5.  Lightening finally stopped about 7:30pm, at which time we were told our flight had been cancelled and there were no more flights that night to Peoria.  Oh-oh!

6.  In a moment of sheer brilliance (or stupidity) decided to rent a car for the 130 mile trip to Peoria.  By the time I got my bag back from the flight, walked around in a daze for about 30 minutes thinking what to do, then hired the car, it was about 9pm.

7.  Drove to Peoria.  Arrived at the hotel just before midnight.

Oh, and what was my first purchase when arriving in the USA?  What else...

As you can see, it wasn't all smooth flying to get to my destination.  But the thing that made it all worth while was waiting for me at the hotel reception....

Let the fun begin!

Woke on Thursday, and decided to explore downtown Peoria.  I had the car for the rest of the day, so did some exploring.  Let's just say that there is not a lot to see and do in Peoria (pop. 150,000).  I drove around and admired the number of closed down businesses, and houses up for sale.   In the downtown area (where I was staying), it felt like it was a holiday.  I don't think I saw more than about 10 people.  After lunch, I took the car back to the airport and got a taxi back to the hotel.  I asked the Taxi driver (Terry) what is there to do in Peoria.  "Well, Peoria is the home of the Caterpillar head office, and visitors centre (that should be center, I'm in the US after all).  You can go and check out the massive trucks and bulldozers they make".  

OK, why not!?

Like all of Peoria, things were quiet at the Caterpillar visitors center.  I was the only one there.  But, I have to say I was impressed.  The center has only been open for 12 months, so things were all shiny and new.

Plus they had lots of simulators, so I could practice my dozer work on a computer simulation.  The visit to the Caterpillar HQ filled in 2 hours.

Back at the hotel, I decided to do some homework on where I should eat dinner.  After a whole 5 minutes of research (remember, not a big city), I found "Joe's Crab Shack".  Great!  Dinner is sorted.  A quick nap (I had only slept about 6 hours in the last 2 days), I hit the road to find Joe's Crab Shack.

Peoria is built on lake, and Joe's over looked the water.  It was  a clear night, and it seemed that most of the Peoria population were at Joe's.  After being seated by my "server" James, he quickly explained all about the choices.  Everything at Joe's seemed to come served in buckets.  If you ever wondered why some American's are so big, there is your answer.  Their food is served in buckets.

"OK James, I will have the shrimp (served in a bucket), the rum punch drink (served in the glass equivalent of a bucket), and let's see...Ah yes, I will have the bucket of crab".

Now James was very clever, he picked straight away that I was Australian.  "You sure you wouldn't like a Fosters instead?".  If there is one thing you should never ask an Australian, that's "would you like a Fosters?".  There is a misconception all around the world that because Fosters is promoted as an Aussie beer, we must enjoy drinking it!  Wrong!  I then had to explain to James that even though it's an Aussie beer, we don't drink it because it tastes "like piss".  James will never make that mistake again.

 A quick selection of photos from my night at Joe's Crab Shack.

Left: The menu, showing buckets of everything

Right: The bib that I was given (James wrote "I come from a land down under" on it)

 Left: My bucket of steamed crab served with garlic and butter (along with potatoes and corn).  Have to admit, it was bloody delicious!

Right: Joe's Crab Shack


Below: View from my table across the lake

After a walk around Peoria to find a bar (let's just say I didn't like the look of some of the bars), decided to head back to the hotel.  Friday rolled around, and hit the streets again.  Surely there is something more entertaining to do in Peoria than visit the Caterpillar Center.  

Apparently not.  I got the feeling that Peoria is one of those cities that has been hit hard by the economic crisis.  Any shops that I went in (the ones that were still open) seemed surprised to see me.  The whole city felt rundown and on the brink of putting out the "closed for business" sign.  

I managed to fill in the day, and finally it was show time.  The Peoria Civic Center was a 5 minute walk from my hotel, so no need to rush.  There was a little bar on the corner that was doing a "Jerry Seinfeld" special.  Burger and Fries, plus a beer for $8.  Who am I to say no to anything Seinfeld related (even though burgers, fries and beers have nothing to do with Seinfeld!)

Not sure how many people the Civic Center holds, but it was full (apart from seats next to me).  And I was in the second row!  Gold Jerry!  Jerry was supported by another comedian, Larry Miller.  He actually appeared in an episode of Seinfeld (he played "The Doorman").  I think the hardest job in the world must be supporting someone like Seinfeld, but he did a great job.  30 minutes into his set, he said goodbye, and it was time for Jerry.

No big fan fare, no big booming voice introducing him, he simply runs out on stage - and it was game on.  Now, even though the tickets said "no photos", I did manage to snap a few.  Not the best, but I think you can tell it's Jerry Seinfeld.

And he did not disappoint.  30 hours on a plane, a dent in the credit card, someone trying to offer me a Fosters and a ride on a Caterpillar tractor all made the next 80 minutes worthwhile.  Yes, I was a little disappointed that he did not perform for longer, but you know the old showbiz saying - "leave them wanting more".  It was gold baby!!  80 minutes of wall to wall laughs.  That's what makes him one of the best.  And even when he started talking about his wife, and the woman behind me yelled out "She's hot, and she puts vegetables in cookies", he did not miss a beat.  (Apparently his wife has learned to bake vegetables into cookies, making them more healthy for kids etc.  I know, very random thing to yell out).

We were out by 9pm, and I walked back to the hotel.  I was planning to go and check out a live music bar I had seen the night before, but I met some people back at the hotel who told me Jerry was staying at the hotel.  My hotel!!  What?  So instead of hitting the bar, I stood outside with 6 other people waiting for Jerry to come back....standing...waiting....for 2 hours.  We were finally told by the manager that Jerry had indeed stayed at the hotel - the night before.  But after the show, he took his private jet back to New York. 

Bugger!

Saving grace was I did manage to get a photo with Larry Miller, "the doorman"

Saturday, and time to head back to China.  In the taxi on the way to the airport, I was telling the taxi driver about my journey, and why I had come.  He thought I was crazy, but he got it.  He told me there was an article on the show in that mornings paper - so he gave me the paper.  What a nice guy!  

Was it worth it?  Of course it was.  Would I do it again?  Yes.  Am I going to stop asking myself questions, then answering them straight away? Maybe.

Sometimes life throws up these opportunities, and I have learned that you have to grab onto them, hold on tight, and enjoy the ride.    Hey, that's how I ended up in China.

Six things you need to know about Urumqi

So, where was I......

Last time I blogged (back in July) I was describing what it was like travelling by fast train in China.  Many things have happened since then, so I thought it time to bring you up to speed on my adventure.  If you've just tuned in, let me bring you up to speed:

1.  I am living and working in China, and have been since July last year
2.  My job takes me to many different cities in China, and
3.  I am still scared of using squat toilets

I am currently General Manager of Content for a group of radio stations in China.  Currently we have 7 stations, and expanding to 10 in the next 12 months.  We have stations in Nanjing, Nanchang, Hefei, Xi'an, Changchun, Tianjin and Urumqi.  Today's blog (as you would have guessed by the title) is about my recent trip to Urumqi, and six things you need to know.

1.  Urumqi should be called Urumqi-stan

Urumqi is located in the North West of China and is the capital of Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region, about a 3.5 hour flight from Beijing.  The unique thing about time zones in China is they are all on the one time.  So even though Urumqi is 2500 km's away from Beijing, it still has the same time zone.  It would almost be like Sydney and Perth having the same time.  Which makes for a strange experience - it's still dark at 7am in the morning, and still light at 9pm at night..

Urumqi is a very unique city in China, as it has a very diverse population.  Because of it's proximity to Russia and the Middle East (it should be called Urumqi-stan because it is surrounded by Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan - all the Stans!), it also has a large Muslim population.  In most other cities in China, road signs are in Chinese and English.  In Urumqi, the road signs are in Chinese, English, and Arabic.

2.  Security is tight!

If you follow the news, you might have heard about the trouble in Xinjiang province.  Like most parts of the world, it all comes down to religious differences.  In July, a group of extreme Islamists attacked a police station in Xinjiang province, killing over 20 people.  So, as you can imagine, security is tight.  Every hotel, shopping centre, and major street, has police and security presence.  At the airport, your bag gets screened twice, you get a "full" pat down (including your feet getting scanned), and then when walking onto the plane, you also get checked for explosives.

Our station is owned by the Xinjiang Broadcasting Station - a big complex housing both radio and TV stations.  Again, because of the security presence, foreigners are not allowed in without an escort.  On Monday when I arrived, I had to phone my Program Manager to come and let me in.  However,  Tuesday was a different story.  The security guards had changed, and they would not let me in - even with my escort.  It took several phone calls to the station bosses, and finally one of them had to come down to sweet talk the grump guard to let me pass.  I managed to sneak this photo of the guards.  I am sure if they had discovered me taking this photo, they would not have been happy.

3.  Feels like a different country

Because of the population diversity, it feels like you are somewhere in the middle east (even though I have never been to the middle east).  The combination of people, signs, food, and even architecture, you get the feeling you're "not in Kansas anymore".

On Saturday night, one of the girls and her husband took us out to dinner.  We drove to the outskirts of the city, and it was such a contrast to cities like Beijing.  You could actually see the surrounding countryside.  It felt like a street in another part of the world.  We also went to the Muslim market, where again, the architecture felt like you were strolling the streets of Turkey.

The bazaar sold mostly Muslim food and souvenirs, but it was such a surreal experience walking around this very middle eastern market, but still in China.  And again because there is also a large population of Russians (Urumqi is close to Russia too), I kept getting mistaken for a Russian.  It could have been the white hair, or the fact I was carrying around and drinking a bottle of vodka.  I'm not sure.





3.  Their squat toilets are even worse in Urumqi.

If you've been reading my blogs, you will know that I am not a fan of the squat toilets.  In most parts of China, I am constantly faced with the squat toilet.  Ok, I have now sort of mastered the experience, but it still scares me - and in Urumqi, the toilets are even worse.

The restaurant we went to on Saturday night, as I said, was on the outskirts of Urumqi.  It was recommended by our host, so we went along to try some Xinjiang food (which, if you like your food spicy, you will love!).  When we arrived, I popped off to use the toilet (only Number 1's).  As I walked in, I noticed a big drum of water and a scoop inside the drum.  It wasn't until I finished and reached for the flush button, that I realised what the water was for.  Yep, you had to use the water to "flush" manually.  Well, that's a new experience.  And to prove I am telling the truth, here is a photo of said water drum.

4.  Technology is everywhere!

Technology has infiltrated all areas of China.  Smart phone sales are through the roof, and pretty much everyone has access to the internet.  But it still surprises me when I see it in rural areas.  Again, in the restaurant in Urumqi, it was a very basic place (I mean, look at the toilet).  The decor was old and tired, it looked dirty, rundown, and it would be something you would see on Gordon Ramsay's "Kitchen Nightmares".

However, as rundown and basic as it was, the waitresses still took our orders electronically.  Yep, that's right.  It was all entered into a hand held ordering system , and sent to the kitchen electronically.

5.  They possibly invented the Shandy

I was introduced to a new style of beer in Urumqi.  I have to admit,  I was not feeling all that well last weekend when we ventured out, and really wanted to avoid beer.  But when I was told it was like "beer mixed with honey" I thought I would give it a try.

So, out came the Kawas.  And I have to say, it was pretty good.  It tasted more like a Shandy (beer and lemonade) than beer and honey, but it was refreshing.  I was told it was a local drink which had been made for years.  Which got me thinking, did the people of Xinjiang actually invent the Shandy?

6.  Urumqi is one of the most polluted cities in China

You may not guess by this photo, but Urumqi is one of the most polluted cities in China.  It is situated in a valley, so on heavy pollution days, the pollution just hangs in the sky.  This time of year (as you can see) it's nice blue skies.  In fact, everyday I was there, we had similar weather.  But in winter, when the temperature drops to around -17, people crank up the heaters, and the pollution level goes through the roof.

This was only my second visit to Urumqi.  Because of it's proximity, it's hard to find the time to get up there.  Plus, the station is making money and the radio audience ratings are good, so I have not been required in the last 12 months. It's a nice city, but as I said, it does feel like you are in another country.

I will leave you with this photo. I took this photo in a shopping centre in Urumqi.  I noticed parents of this girl encouraging her to pose for this photo.  She is standing next to a photo (yes it's only a photo) on the wall.  They parents thought it was hilarious.  And so did I.....

Tomorrow I am doing something completely different - flying to the US for 4 days to see Jerry Seinfeld live in Peoria, Illinois.  I know, crazy right?  Well, I am sure there will be good Blog material.

Zaijian!

Train Spotting - China Style

Nihao!

Time for another blog-errific tale from China, my home for the last 13 months.  If you've just joined the story, let me update you on a few key facts:

1) I am an Australian living and working in China

2) I live in Beijing, but travel to 8 cities around China on a regular basis

3) Don't challenge me to Seinfeld trivia, as I will win hands down (nothing really to do with the story, just wanted to throw that in).

As I mentioned, I get to travel to a number of different cities around China, most with populations the size of Sydney and Melbourne put together.  Usually I fly, but last week I thought I would take the scenic route and jump on a fast train from Beijing to Nanjing. The trip to Nanjing is 1,404 km's and takes 3 hours and 53 minutes - exactly!  The good thing about fast trains in China (unlike the flights), is they always run on time.

The 4 hour journey costs about 750RMB (roughly $125 AUD) for a first class ticket.  The difference between first class and second class is in first class they give you a bag of sweets and a drink, and in second class you get to sit next to the guy who decides to phone every number in his phone, and talk really, really loudly.  Thank god for ipods!

Last Tuesday, it was off to Nanjing.  From my home to the Beijing South Railway station, I jump on the subway.  Takes about 40 minutes.  My train to Nanjing was leaving at 8am, so I decided to leave around 6am, and get some breakfast when I arrived.  The first photo is something that I have never seen in Beijing in my 13 months here - an empty subway station.  

Beijing South Railway station feels like an airport, except it's crowded, hot, and you don't have those little carts driving people around to catch their flight.  the good part about arriving early in the morning is that it was not too hot - but still crowded.  Trains leave pretty much every few minutes, to Tianjin and also Shanghai.  

If you are going the short distance to Tianjin (30 minutes) you can usually buy your ticket on the day.  Long distances, it's best to book.  My Chinese is now good enough to ask for one first class ticket to Shanghai, and please don't sit me next to the guy who wants to call his entire phone directory

Photo on the left is the the view of the train on the platform.  16 carriages long, made up of second class, first class, business class, and a dining car.  The right photo is the sign pointing to your train.   I think they installed the arrow on the sign after my boss once caught the wrong train.





The thing I like about travelling by fast train in China is that they are comfortable, and fast (OK, that's 2 things).  I can stretch out, turn on my laptop, put my ipod on, and not have to worry about flight attendants coming around telling me to turn off all electrical devices before landing.  The train travels at just over 300 km/h, and you don't feel a thing.  If you want to get some work done, this is the best way to travel.  And it's probably about the same time as taking the plane, especially to Nanjing.  By the time you get to the airport, check in, wait for your flight, get on your flight, sit on the tarmac for 45 minutes during the obligatory delay, then arrive at your destination, it's about the same - and probably less stress.  (Only thing is, I don't get frequent flyer points on the train).

And yes, keeping with the Chinese tradition of taking "selfies" (please refer to previous blog), here is another "selfie" of me on the train.  Look how relaxed I am.

As mentioned, the train travels at a constant 304 km/h, and only stops at about 3 or 4 stations before getting to Nanjing.  I am taking the train to Shanghai on Monday (due to the fact I have no passport), which is about another hour from Nanjing.  My dad asked me once does it feel like you are travelling this fast?  No, not until you look out the window, and see China rush past.

Oh, and this is a photo of me doing some work on the train. I thought I would throw this in just in case my boss was reading my blogs.  Just proves that I was doing some work, and not just watching China go by at 304 km/h.





Like anything in China, there are always some interesting observations along the way.  So, here is a quick summary of a few of the things I have noticed:

- Chinese men love making friends, and playing cards.  The chairs spin around, so you can easily form a game of 4 players.
- Even though there is an announcement advising that "this is a short stop, so please do not get off the train if this is not your destination.  And a reminder, smoking is not allowed on the platform", at every stop, men jump off the train and smoke a cigarette in about 8.5 seconds.
- They serve instant noodles on the train, and every carriage has hot water, so you can "slurp" away to your hearts content
- They have TV's and movies on the train, but they do not hand out headphones.  If you haven't got your own, you best bring a book.

(Left, a quick game of cards before the next stop, so they don't miss the smoke break)

(Right, coming into Nanjing at 304 km/h.  I included this photo, because it was the first time in about a week I had seem some blue sky)

Well, there you have it train spotters, a quick overview of train travel in China.  I am going to Japan in 2 months, and I have heard they have even faster trains!!  My next blog will write itself!!

As I mentioned, I have no passport at the moment as I am getting a new 12 months visa.  For some reason, they changed the length of time for processing from 5 working days, to 15!  I thought things were getting more efficient.  Needless to say, I feel naked without my passport.

Life goes on in China.  Next week off to Shanghai for a week, then back to Beijing then off to Nanjing for 2 weeks.  Let me sign off postcard style. "Having a great time.  Wish you were here!"

Zaijian!

Dear Mr President (no, not the Pink song)

Nihao!

Welcome to my latest blog, all the way from my little one bedroom apartment in Beijing.  First let me apologise for the gap between blogs.  I have been way too busy living life than writing about it (mmm, might have to remember that phrase and use it again).  Let me just say that I could show you the photos of what I have been up to, but that would spoil the magic of telling you. Mind you, if you are following me on Facebook, you might have seen the evidence (except of course the picture of me dancing on a table at a bar to a Beatles cover band.  That photo has been confiscated by the secret police for having way too much fun in China!).

Let's get down to the business at hand.  Sunday 9th June 2013 marked my one year anniversary of coming to China to start this wonderful adventure.  I can remember the day I arrived after a 6 hour flight from Kuala Lumpur, only to discover one of my suitcases was damaged, and the driver sent to pick me up at the airport was not there.  Welcome to China!

And here I am one year later...and I'm still here.

So, it got me thinking, what should I write on my blog to mark my one year anniversary in China?  Answer questions from my adoring public?  Well, did that for 6 month anniversary.  Post pictures of me with that famous "selfie" Chinese pose?  Did it.  Write a 1000 word essay on communism, and what makes it work?  Boring!

Then it hit me.  Why don't I write a letter to head honcho/big cheese/top dog/paramount leader, President of the People's Republic of China, Mr Xi Jinping, thanking him for making my stay in China so, what's the words, blog worthy!  So, blog fans, here it is - my letter to President Xi.

(Please take this for what it is, a bit of fun.  I am simply using sarcasm to express a few of the frustrations of living in China.  This is no way a dig at the people of China, everyone  I have met is kind, gracious, friendly, and more importantly,  tolerant of expats)  

2013, June 13

Mr Xi Jinping

c/- Zhongnanhai

Beijing, China

Dear Mr President,

First, let me thank you for taking the time to read my letter.  I am sure you get many letters from foreigners living in Beijing, and I appreciate you taking time away from running such an enormous country - both in terms of population and geography - to read my letter.

I am from Australia, and have just marked my one year anniversary living in China.  I thought to commemorate this occasion, I would write to you personally, thanking you for allowing me to stay in your country, and also to comment on a few things I enjoy about life in China.

As I mentioned I come from Australia, a country where the sky is so blue every day,  it gets a bit tiring (unless of course you live in Melbourne).  I mean, can you imagine waking up to the same blue sky day after day after day.  Boring!  That is what makes Beijing so exciting.  You wake up one day, blue sky.  The next, such a thick layer of smog that you can almost taste it.  And last week, when it rained and the smog was so thick, it had a special "burny" quality to it.  Oh, and don't worry about my umbrella that melted, it was getting old anyway.  

The one thing I love about air travel in China is the amount of time I get to relax, stretch my legs, and sit on a plane on the tarmac at Beijing airport not going anywhere.  I mean, let's face it, other countries just get you onto the plane, and before you know it you're in the air and on your way to your destination.  Not in China.  You get on the plane, then sit there for 45 minutes before the plane moves.  It's a great opportunity to catch up on the phone conversations that everyone around me is having while we sit and relax.

I do love how a large amount of people who travel by plane cannot bear to hang up the phone when it's time to take off.  I mean, I enjoy hearing the slightly elevated volume of 200 people talking on their phones.  It gives me practice in understanding the language.  And it's the same 200 people who again turn on their phone as soon as the nose wheel touches the runway when we arrive at our destination, desperately wanting to finish that conversation with friend or family. I mean, that is special.

And speaking of phones, some people in China have great mobile phone etiquette, and this is obviously something that comes from up high.  I've always been fascinated by people who look at where they are walking, with their heads held high.  I mean, what is there to see.  Some people in China have got it right.  Look down and watch the movie on your smart phone, or finish writing that text message while you are walking.  It's called multi tasking, and I love a bit of multi tasking.  And don't worry about people like me who run into you.  It just gives me practice in saying "sorry" in Mandarin.  Practice I so desperately need.  

It's also great that your government gainfully employs 50,000 people in your censorship department.  More countries should follow your lead and help the economy in a similar manner. I mean, what would those 50,000 people do if it wasn't for the censorship of the countries internet and media.  It makes me happy that I am living in a country that has their finger on the pulse - and the button.  You should be very proud of your censors.  The other night I was watching CNN, and the presenter didn't even get the word "Tiananmen" out before the screen went black.  Please pass on my congratulations for a job well done.

Finally, I want to thank you for helping with  a serious health issue I have had now for most of my life.  Ever since I can remember, I have had this tendency to react at the sound of a car horn, either to look in the direction of the horn, or to stop where I am to avoid being potentially struck by traffic. The overuse of the car horn in China has now made me immune to the sound of the car horn.  In fact, on a recent visit back to Australia, I was reminded of the annoyance of the car horn after one was used to warn me that I was about to get run over.  Thank you for making me immune to such an annoying device, and to potentially save me from severe neck injuries associated with whipping your head around to see a potential danger.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my letter, and my reasons that I find China such an interesting country.  It is such an amazing country, deep with culture, that I have decided to stay here for a further 12 months to continue this adventure.

Kind Regards,

Barry Keohane

PS:  As much as I enjoy the public holidays, is it possible to take a vote at the next party meeting to remove the fact we have to work on the weekend before and/or after public holidays.  I mean, you must hate working on a Sunday?

The "selfie"

For people who know me, I am pretty slack when it comes to taking photos of my travels.  For some reason, I never think to get the camera out and squeeze off a few snaps.  Hey, I lived in Bangkok for a year, and have about 30 photo to show for it.

So, since moving to China, I am trying to change my habits and take lots of photos.  Of course, these days it's easier as the iphone has a reasonably good camera, so I don't have to rummage through my bag to find my camera.

I was going through my collection of China photos the other day, and I realised something - I am turning Chinese.  How do I know this?  I am taking far too many photos of myself, what the world has renamed as the"selfie".  One of the things I noticed when I first moved to China was the amount of time the Chinese, especially girls/young women, spend taking selfies.  You look through the photos on QQ (Chinese instant messaging) or Weibo (another social media site) and most of them are selfies.  How did this happen to me?  Is it something they put in the rice that makes you do this?  How have I not realised what I am doing?

Anyway, after getting over the initial shock of what I have been subconsciously doing these last 11 months, I decided to dedicate this blog entry to a collection of selfies I have taken since arriving in China.

This is one of the first selfies I took, aboard a fast train from Tianjin to Nanjing.  As I have mentioned before, train travel is one of the things they do well in China.  Efficient, always on time - and fast!  Well, that's if you take the fast train.

The photo on the right is my first visit to the bank to transfer money back to Australia.  They make it so difficult, it takes a whole day.  First stop, the tax office (20 minute taxi ride one way) to pick up proof I have paid tax.  Next, I have to take my passport, contract, tax certificate, endorsed salary slips, and my first born into the bank.  On this day, I made the mistake of going in at 2pm - and waited 3 hours!  Now I wait until the next day, and line up at 8:30 in the morning!


I am writing this blog from my hotel in Changchun. The last time I was in Changchun was in late December, when the temperature got down to -35 degrees!  I took this photo at the subway in Beijing as I was going to the airport to catch my flight.  As you can see, I am rugged up and so looking forward to spending 36 hours in -35 degree weather.  Thank god for central heating!

One of the lessons I learnt from travelling in China, is never arrange to arrive back in Beijing during peak hour.  I made the mistake once, coming back from Tianjin via fast train.  To get from the fast train station to home, I have to take the subway.  You can't get the full experience from looking at this photo, but let's just say that when you have luggage and a backpack, and you and 20 million Chinese are trying to squeeze in the train, it's not very comfortable.


OK, the next series of selfies were taken at various airports in China.  I travel by plane to 6 of the 7 cities I visit regularly, so I spend alot of time in airports.  The bad thing - most of the flights are usually delayed.  The good thing - I'm still thinking of a good thing.

During the recent QingMing holiday (tomb sweeping), I decided to try somewhere different, and flew to Beihai.  Beihai is in Guangxi province right down near Vietnam.  It is warm and humid in Beihai.  Felt just like Kuala Lumpur.  This photo is standing by the sea with my hotel in the background.  Nothing great about Beihai - it was just nice to get out of the Beijing cold for a few days.



The St Patricks Day Irish Ball is one of the biggest social events of the year in Beijing, so a group of us got 2 tables and decided to party like it was 1999.  Only problem was I was suffering from food poisoning, and wasn't 100%.  I think I only had 2 or 3 beers and a shot of whiskey.  Let's just say it didn't help the food poisoning.  But I scrubbed up OK!

The last photo pretty much sums up the last few months in Beijing.  I can't remember what summer was like, but winter and now spring has produced some of the most polluted days since I have been here.  They measure the PM 2.5 particles in the air (particles that can get into your lungs) on a scale of 1 to 500. In January, it got to 728!  So, I bought a mask.  I used to laugh at people who wore masks, and now I am one of them.  It is one of the real low points of living in China.  I heard the other night that 700,000 people a year die from pollution related illness.  It seems rather high, but afterall China has 1.3 billion people - so maybe not that high.


Well, there you have it.  A quick blog dedicated to the "selfie".  It's as Chinese as Chairman Mao and MSG. As I said, right now I am in Changchun for 2 days of music research.  It may not sound that special, but Changchun is pretty close to the border of North Korea.  So if anything kicks off, let's hope that South Korea don't over shoot.

Zaijian!