Saturday 30 June 2012

China at 303 km/h



I arrived in China 3 weeks ago to the day, and since arriving it has been a series of paperwork, dinners, team bonding weekends, different hotels, learning the language, meeting the staff, finding a place to live, dealing with the day to day challenges of progamming 7 radio stations, learning to use squat toilets, and of course managing my finances (it’s been 70 days since I last got paid!). And that’s just the highlights…

And I was thinking I really haven’t had the chance to sit back, take a deep breath, and absorb what I’m actually doing, and where I’m doing it. Until now….

I’m writing this blog entry sitting in window seat 12F of the G127 train from Tianjin to Nanjing.  We are travelling at 303 km/h and will cover the 900 km’s in about 3.5 hours.  “Atomic” from Blondie comes up on my Ipod, one of my favourite Blondie songs.  The view outside the window changes every 20 minutes, and right now for as far as the eye can see its farmland, dotted with roads every now and then and blanketed in what could only be described as pollution, but don’t say that to the locals.

As we approach the next city, Blondie changes into Billy Joel (All About Soul), and apartment buildings start appearing in the suburbs. China’s population density in cities is about 3-4 times that of Australia, and I now know why.  Apartment construction in China is incredible, and with the rural population gradually moving to the cities for work, it’s going to get higher.  Hey, remember, China has 1.5 billion people!

“Oh, that’s right. I’m in China!”  That’s not the first time I have thought that to myself, said it out loud while crossing the street, or muttered it to a passing stranger.  I think I keep reminding myself because sometimes it’s very surreal.  I’m working and living so far outside my comfort zone that I would NEED to travel 900km’s on a fast train just to be able to see me comfort zone again.

But am I enjoying it?  You bet!

The professional challenges ahead are enormous, and I am very excited about the journey.  And for those uneducated in the audience, what am I actually doing in China?  Well, I’m glad you asked.

MyFm is owned by a large media company based in Malaysia.  We started these radio stations in China about 3 years ago, and growing by about 2 stations every year.  Radio in China has traditionally been run and programmed by the government, and in the past has been used as a tool of propaganda. 

They have also programmed the stations a lot differently than what we are used to in Australia (or the UK, or US for that matter).  They use what is known as block programming.  1 hour you may get Chinese pop, the next you get talk back, the hour after is Oldies and so on.

What we have done, and continue to do, is introduce China to format radio.  A station built around a specific target demographic (in our case 25-34 yo’s) and delivering the same music format all day, every day.  A consistent product, generating market noise, results for advertisers and producing revenue for us!

And so far, it has been very successful.  The stations are now turning a profit after a short time, and we are achieving many of our ratings goals.  After working with some of the staff for 3 weeks, it’s a big challenge.  Because of what they have been used to, trying to change the way they do things is the first hurdle.  But they are starting to see the results, and now it’s just a matter of fine tuning what has already been established.

OK, so that is just a brief glimpse into my world, and I suppose a good oppprtunity for me to step back for a second, look on this from the outside, and realize that this is a huge moment in my professional and personal life.  If someone had tapped me on the shoulder 6 months ago and told me I’d be in China in July, I would have laughed, and asked them what drugs they were on.

It’s amazing how life changes.  But it only changes if you’re open to it…



Wednesday 27 June 2012

Lost in Translation: "One for the road"

Hello blog readers.  Firstly, a quick thank you to everyone who has emailed saying you are enjoying the blog.  I wish I could find more time to write, but it's good to know that my semi regular blogs are being enjoyed on the otherside of the world and that you are following my Chinese adventure.  It's been alot of fun so far...

I am writing this entry from my hotel room in Tianjin, after arriving back from a quick 2 day trip to Changchun.  Changchun is about a 90 minute flight north of Tianjin.  It's one of the closest Chinese cities to North Korea.  Probably as close as I want to be to North Korea.

Over the next few weeks, I am trying to get to each of our 7 markets to meet the staff, and also to get my head around the different stations. One thing I learned from my time in Bangkok, and also from talking to Keith Fowler, is that time in each market is critical.  You can only do so much by email/phone/QQ(Chinese instant communicator).

My Changchun story starts with dinner last night.  Doing business in China is all about building strong relationships with the staff, and part of that involves sharing a meal.  If you've read my previous blogs, you'll know that they love to eat, and eat, and eat.  Oh, and they love to drink.

As we sat down last night, I left the ordering of the food to David (the station manager).  After he spent about 20 minutes calling out items from the menu to the nearby waitress, he asked me if I would like to try some "chinese white wine".  At this point, the conversation stopped and all eyes fell on me.  I felt like I was in the Millionaire Hot Seat and was about to lock in my answer to win $1 million.

"Sure", I said, at which point all the girls giggled.  What had I just agreed to?  I asked David exactly what was this chinese white wine.  He explained that it was a clear drink, 42% alcohol, made from rice.  Now, I may not know alot about wine, but I do know two things.  One, it's not made from rice.  And two, it's not 42% alcohol! 

The ceramic bottle arrived, and again the table fell silent as it was opened, and poured into my glass.  I tried to place the smell, and the best I could come up with was it smelled a little like Sambucca.  David made the toast, and I took a sip.

It was strong.  Very strong.  As you would expect a spirit to be.  Today, I googled the name (Baijiu), and read that some people likened it to paint thinner.  Yeah, pretty close. I smiled, and said that it was "OK".

Now Australian's have developed a somewhat legendary status when it comes to drinking, and I wasn't going to let the side down.  So, during the next toast, I drained the glass.  This had an immediate reaction of applause, shock, and even laughter.  I had just showed this team I mean business, and gained a littlsomething else in the eyes of the Chinese - respect.

We ended up drinking 2 bottles of Baijiu (they are small bottles), but it was enough to get me tipsy.  After the second bottle we moved onto beer. After drinking the Baijiu, the beer tasted like water. 

OK, I am waffling a bit.  The point to this blog (as the title suggests) is how things get lost in translation.  After we ate and drank, and shared a few laughs, it was time to go.  I suggested to David that we have "one drink for the road".  This phrase wasn't familar to him, so I explained what it meant.

David then made a toast, and translated "one for the road" into Manadarin.  The shocked looks on the faces of the staff, and the cries of "no, no, no" said it all.  David then explained that his translation ended up being "one drink before you go to heaven".  We all had a laugh, and drank up.  NOw I'm the guy who wants to kill all the staff, and take them to heaven - but not before enjoying a drink together!


Friday 22 June 2012

A few observations.....

It's been just under 2 weeks since I arrived in China - my home for the next 2 years.  It's been an overwhelming combination of sights, sounds, smells and "you had to be there" moments.  I've been jotting down a few observations which I thought I would share.  If you've been to China, you might be able to relate.  If you haven't, let me paint the picture.

A few observations

1.  When you ask for water in a restaurant, they serve it boiling hot.  The first time I reached for my glass and picked it up, I'm pretty sure I let out a "what the fuck?".  I learned that lesson the hard way

2.  Chinese girls love taking photos of themselves, usually with the two finger peace sign, or some other pose.  I spent 15 minutes on our tour bus in Qingdao watching one of the girls take photo after photo, until she got the right one.  And yes, I was so tempted to photo bomb.

3.  Despite the government attempting to stop people spitting in public (they did a massive advertising campaign leading up to the Bejing Olympics), people still do it.  There is nothing like seeing an attractive girl on the street, and then watching her hock up a loogie. 

4.  The car horn has replaced the indicator in China.  The car horn is such a powerful device.  Chinese drivers use it to change lanes ("beep", I'm coming over), to warn a pedestrian/cyclists/other motorist that they are within 50 metres of them ("beep", I'm behind you), 0.00001 seconds after a traffic light turns green, they will give you a toot ("beep", the light turned green 0.00002 seconds ago) and my favourite they use it to merge into traffic (Perth drives, take note).

5.  Chinese men have mistaken underwear for swimwear.  Walking along Qingdao beach on Sunday, I was surprised at the amount of men who were wearing their underwear on the beach.  Now it doesn't take a genius, but when your underwear gets wet, it tends to "cling" to your body.  Need I say anymore...

6.  They love the "close door" button on lifts.  My boss even mentioned this to me last week, that as soon as someone walks out of a lift, everyone reaches for the close door button.  So, when riding a lift and you're getting on or off, don''t hesitate.

Team bonding in Qingdao

Well, it's been several days since I've updated my blog, and alot has happened during this time.  I can't believe I have now been in China for 2 weeks.  Time has really flown by, and I've now settled into my new life.

I spent most of last week running around organising my work permit, residence visa and also accommodation.  Accommodation is all done, and I moved in on Tuesday.  A nice one bedroom apartment in a residence called Cosmopolite.  Close to subway, buses, work, shopping, and get this - about 5 minute walk to the Australian Embassy. So if anything goes wrong, I grab my passport and run like hell!  It's on the 22nd Floor of Building 25, Unit 1.  More pics to come...


My medical came back OK.  I was a bit worried about my colour test, but everything was normal.  I think a person would have to be on their death bed, or missing a limb, to fail.  Then it was a trip to the local police station to register my address, and receive a confirmation slip to include with my permit application. Now the application has been sent in, and I sit back and wait.  Once that is approved, I then apply for a residence visa, and I'm set for 12 months.

So what started as a busy week, ended with a team bonding getaway.  About 15 of us from the Bejing office jumped aboard a fast train (max speed 245 kmh) from Beijing to the coastal city of Qingdao.  About a 5.5 hour trip.  For those who dabble in the amber fluid might know it better as Tsingtao - the home of Tsingtao beer.  Biggest Asian beer in the world.

I didn't really think about the team bonding thing until we were all sitting down to dinner on the Friday night.  Out of the 15 locals who came, only 2 could speak English.  The rest, zero.  How am I supposed to bond with someone I can't communicate with? It was going to be an interesting weekend.

We were escorted around Qingdao by a tourguide, aboard a mini bus.  Problem #2.  Tour guide couldn't speak English, and for some reason she thought I could understand Mandarin.  So, I just sat back, and looked out the window of the bus.  Every now and then our finance guy Allan (who does speak English) translated a few things.  So, we went for a tour around the harbour, then a quick stop at the beach, before we went to the Qingdao Polar Underwater world. 

That night we had our team dinner, and went to a local seafood dumpling restaurant.  I was asked by the team to go and choose the ingredients of the dumplings.  Yep, that's right, all fresh ingredients in tanks, some laid out in front of you.  The below picture is a shot of some of the team inspecting the local catch. 

Now one thing I have learned, the Chinese can eat!  I mean, really eat.  While they made the dumplings, we were served about 10 other dishes (2 plates of each).  Then the dumplings.  After I ate what I thought was my body weight in food, Allan said to me "you don't eat much".  Really?  I felt like Mr.Creosote from the Meaning of Life.  One wafer thin mint, and I would have exploded.

What I thought was going to be a night of drinking, eating, more drinking, and perhaps a visit to the local KTV (karaoke bar), turned out to be the complete opposite.  We were back at the Idealship Business Hotel (our hotel) by 8:30.  A sort of an anti climax, after I spent all day brushing up on the words to Bohemian Rhapsody.

Sunday was a day of more sightseeing, and more one way conversations. I have to say by that night though, I felt I was starting to make some progress.  The team seemed more relaxed with me, they tried their best to communicate, and I even cracked a few jokes.  So, I felt like we had done some bonding after all.  Still no karaoke, but I'm sure that will come in time.

My final thought, and photo, is for Dan Vandermeer.  Dan, who put together my farewell video from Mix 94.5 included a verse/video about the Chinese eating donkey penis.  Well Dan, it''s not the penis, but it is donkey - and yes I ate it. 





Tuesday 12 June 2012

Let's get physical!

One thing that every ex-pat needs for a work permit in China, is a physical examination. For some reason I expected it to be something along the lines of what I have for my pilots license. You meet with a doctor, answer a few questions, he takes your blood pressure, a quick eye test, and you're out the door. But I forgot the most important thing about this physical examination - I'M IN CHINA!

Armed with my passport, an empty stomach (you have to fast) and Wei Wei (HR girl from the office), we made the journey to where they give the exams.  It's a special medical facility about 40 minute drive outside the Beijing CBD.  We caught a taxi, Wei Wei in the front and me in the back.  Unfortunately Wei Wei does not know much English, so a conversation was never going to happen.  But she did talk to the taxi driver on and off, and it got me wondering what were they talking about.  Were they talking about the shock elimination on last night's "The Voice?".  Or perhaps, they were discussing the European economic crisis?  I'll never know, but it was good to make up scenarios.  Filled in the time.

We arrived at the examination centre around 8:50am, and then it was as simple as following the signs.


I had dinner with Keith Fowler (who I'm replacing) the previous night, and he did warn me that it was like a production line.  But I had no idea how much it was like a production line.  I'll give it to the Chinese, they are very efficient.  It was simple as going from room to room.

Let me recount the next part in Jack Bauer style.  "The following takes place between 8:55am, and 9:18am.  Events occur in real time"

8:55am  Completed registration form, proceeded to registration counter
8:56am  Registered, showed passport, had photo taken, moved to next counter
8:58am  Paid the fee (well, Wei Wei paid the fee), then the checks begin.  It was one procedure/check per room,
8:59am  Ultrasound.  This was the longest, it took about 5 minutes.
9:04am  Blood sample
9:07am  Chest X-Ray
9:09 am Blood pressure taken
9:11am  ECG
9:14 am Vision and Colour test / Hearing
9:16am  Surgical Exam.  Checked my throat, chest, height and weight.
9:18am  Done!

It must be the worlds quickest medical examination.  All over in 23 minutes.  The longest part of the exam, was the ultrasound (and for you information, I'm not pregnant!). But did everything go ok?  Do I have to get full marks to get my permit? I guarantee you I failed the colour test part (for those who know me well, I am slightly colour "impaired"). 

But there were alot of smiles, and nods, and according to Wei Wei (when we got back to the office for a translation), it went well.  I get the results in about 7 days, and provided I don't have an alien growing inside me, it's onto the next stage. 

This afternoon I go apartment hunting.  I'm sure one day this week I might actually get some work done.










Saturday 9 June 2012

Hello Beijing!

After months in the making, this morning at 6:18, Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 touched down in Beijing - and I have to admit I was a little excited about arriving in my new home (well, at least for the next 2 years).

I don't normally sleep on flights, but last night after we took off I donned the mask, whacked in the ear plugs, and crashed for about 3 hours.  Earplugs were necessary because the German guy next to me was trying to drown out the jet engines.  The only reason I woke was for breakfast.  "Excuse me mister, you like some breakfast?".  Well, now that you've woken me up, sure!

Two things almost spoiled the experience of arriving in my new home.  First, was the fact that somewhere between Kuala Lumpur and Beijing, one of my bags looks like it went one round with a grizzly bear.  Frame bent out of shape, stitching coming undone, and me not very happy.  So, Malaysia airlines, you'll be getting a nice email (plus photo) from me asking for an explanation.  Of all the travel I have done, I have never seen such a thing.

Second, was the absence of Mr.Zhiang. Who is Mr.Zhiang?  Well, he was the guy who was organised to meet me at the airport.  I did 2 laps of the "people with signs" and not a 'KEOHANE BARRY JOHN" anywhere to be seen.  Lucky I had his phone number, so I gave it a call.  "The number you have called is not in service".  OK, plan B.  Try and explain to a taxi driver (who chances are doesn't speak much English), where I'm going.  Just as I was about to walk out the door towards the taxi, a familiar sign caught my eye.  There he was, Mr.Zhiang, with his sign welcoming me to Beijing.  

I've arrived.  I'm in my hotel (FX Hotel) for 10 nights while I look for a place to live. I'm trying to figure out what my room smells like.  Smokey yes, but what else is in here.  I'll think about it and get back to you.

My first day in Bejing, and here is my photo of the day.  Could be fun.




Tuesday 5 June 2012

So, what's the deal with squat toilets?

Up until Sunday, I had avoided ever having to use the squat toilet.  Most public toilets throughout Asia, even in China, have a standard toilet for people like me.  When nature calls, I like to have the option of sitting, rather than balancing over a "pit" worrying whether I'm doing it right, or that something is going to fall out of my pocket never to be seen again.  Or even worse, I lose my balance and somehow fall in.  All things you shouldn't have to worry about when "doing number 2".  But I knew someday, somewhere, the time would come where I had to adapt, and that when this day came I would be well prepared.

 Well on Sunday, it happened.  I came face to face with that which I was dreading - the squat toilet.  I walked into the toilet at Suria KLCC (shopping centre), opened the stall door, and proceeded to walk in.  I had already committed myself to using this stall, when I realised it had a squat toilet.  Because I had already committed, I wasn't going to walk out and try another.  I wasn't going to be the guy the locals in the toilets would talk about for not using the squat.

So, the squat toilet it was....(this is not the real image, but you get the idea).


I stood there motionless, and thinking for about 60 seconds before I got to "pants off" stage.  Where do I stand?  Is there something to hold on to? Is my accident insurance paid up? I even did a couple of practice squats, to make sure that everything was going to be, well, positioned where things needed to be. I knew I should have done some more body weight squats in preparation for this event.  Ah well, hindsight is clear sight.  Let's give it a whirl.

Now, to explain the next series of events, I will have to provide some detail.  Remember, I work in radio, so I have to try and create that picture in your mind.

I stood on the foot marks, dropped my dacks, and assumed what I thought would be the correct position. But hang on, this won't work.  My shorts were in a position where they may receive some "collateral damage".  Maybe I'm in the wrong squat position.  I tried to change, but needed something to hang on to.  What if I try and balance myself with one hand on the back wall, and one on the side wall?  No, not going to work.  So, I stood up, shuffled away (pants still around ankles) to reassess the situation.

After a few seconds, I could only come to one conclusion - pants off! (Yes,sort of like George Costanza going to the bathroom, but more practical reasoning behind the idea).  With pants off, hanging on the back of the door, things were a little easier to manage. I'm sure you don't need me to explain the next bit, but let me conclude by saying mission accomplished!

I will have a lot of practice with these style of toilets which are more common in China.  After Sundays experience, I think I have discovered what I was doing wrong.  It's all about your centre of gravity.  If it's not exact, you'll either fall forward and smash your head on the concrete floor - or pitch backward and end up with a wet backside.

Damn you squat toilet.  Damn you all to hell!




Sunday 3 June 2012

Showers and Towers

When I travelled through Europe about 16 years ago (wow, was it that long ago?), I came up with the idea of writing a travel book.  It was going to include all the "touristy" things/sites that everyone does around Europe, but with a slight twist.  I wanted to base it around the "Showers of Europe".

We stayed in many hostels, hotels, B&B's and campsites - each one it seemed had a different type of shower.  Some small, some big..some had high pressure, some not. They all had their individual quirks. But what a great way to share my European adventures, by taking you through the many showers of Europe.  But alas, the drinking and debauchery that went along with the European vacation (it started with a Contiki trip - need I say more) put a swift end to this idea...until now.

Let me introduce you to the 'Showers of Asia'.  The idea came back to me when I walked into my shower at the Boulevard Hotel.

The shower head is the size of, well, a head! It's huge!  And I like a good, firm, water pressure.  And it didn't disappoint.  So, I would like to enter this as exhibit 1...Boulevard Hotel, Kuala Lumpur.  (It's no Commando 450, but it does the job!).

Oh yeah, and the tower part?  I did what most tourists do when they come to Kuala Lumpur.  No, not shop.  I went up the Petronas Towers!  The twin towers are the largest twin towers in the world, and are connected by a sky bridge which is fixed via ball bearings to the towers.  This allows the towers to shift, and move with the wind if necessary.  Very cool.

Here is the view from the tower, looking across at it's twin.  In the background, yet another tower.  Kuala Lumpur Tower.


So, the journey continues.  It's my last week in Kuala Lumpur this week, before flying to Beijing on Friday night.  I'm looking forward to starting in Beijing.  Not just the experience...I haven't had an income in almost 6 weeks!  I need money!!!