Once upon a time in the Middle Kingdom...

Once upon a time there lived a man called Barry the Wise.  Barry the Wise was from the Great Southern Land and travelled the world teaching people about a magic box he called radio.  The box was magic because it allowed people to speak to millions of other people all at once, serenade them with music, and tell them where they could pick up icy cold cans of Coke from the back of the Black Thunder.

In the year 2012 AD, Barry the Wise travelled to the Middle Kingdom to share his wisdom with its people.  Barry was employed by Lord Ken to travel the land, and teach the people about the magic box called radio.   Barry the Wise visited many great cities in the kingdom, none greater than the city of Hefei.

One evening, Lord Ken called on Barry the Wise and requested that he accompany Lord Ken to the great city of Hefei to meet with the rulers of Hefei's magic box called radio.  The meeting would include Lord Ken, Barry the Wise, Prince Luca (second in command), and Allan the Master of Coin.  Like all meetings in the great city of Hefei, it would be followed by a great feast which would include the dreaded poison elixir called Baijiu.

Barry the Wise knew much about the language of the Middle Kingdom and he knew that Baijiu in the common tongue meant white wine.  But Barry the Wise did not think it tasted like white wine at all.  Barry the Wise knew one day man would build a ship that would take to the stars.  These ships would no doubt be propelled by Baijiu.

Upon arriving in the great city of Hefei, they were summoned to the tower of Hefei's magic box called radio.  There they met with the Lord of the tower, and spent an enjoyable 30 minutes conversing with the Lord about the magic box called radio, and how much they enjoyed working together.  Everyone rejoiced at how profitable the relationship had become, and Lord Ken was very keen on continuing the relationship.

The meeting concluded, and everyone was ushered into the dining room where the great feast would begin, and the dreaded poison elixir Baijiu would be served.

The great dining room was beautifully furnished with elegant furniture from the city of Hefei.  Barry the Wise, Lord Ken, Prince Luca, and Allan the Master of Coin were joined by several members of the high council of the magic box called radio.  After the introductions were made, everyone took their seats around the great table and the feast commenced.  There were many delicious dishes served, and like most cities in the Middle Kingdom, there was always plenty of food to go around.

After the feast commenced, the poison elixir known as Baijiu was brought out by the servers, and small serving jugs were filled in front of each guest.  It is customary for all who feast to drink the poison elixir, but to the surprise of everyone, Lord Ken refused.  "No matter", said a member of the high council, "more for everyone else."  Barry the Wise watched as each jug was filled with the poison elixir, recalling the ill effects he received from the last meeting in the great city of Hefei

In every city of the Middle Kingdom, it is again a custom for everyone who attends a great feast to propose a toast.  At this great feast, there were 12 people so Barry the Wise prepared to drink 12 times - at least.  Even though the poison elixir known as Baijiu is consumed at every important feast in the Middle Kingdom, Barry the Wise is still to meet someone who actually enjoys it.

The leader of the high council proposed the first toast, and everyone drained their
glasses, and the toasting began.  Everyone refilled their glasses from their jugs, and continued to toast each other.  The only saving grace for Barry the Wise and his colleagues was the glass was only small.  On the other hand, the poison elixir known as Baijiu was very strong so the fact the glasses were small probably didn't help.


The feast continued, and so did the drinking of the dreaded  elixir called Baijiu.  Barry the Wise had consumed 2/3 of his jug, when a member of the high council proposed that he dispense with the glass, and drink from the jug instead.  Barry the Wise thought this a foolish idea, but remembered that this was the great city of Hefei, and they make the rules.  So, after a little encouragement from Lord Ken, Barry the Wise drained what was left of the dreaded elixir called Baijiu.





Barry the Wise sat back down, thinking that his adventure was over and that he would consume no more poison elixir called Baijiu.  However, there was evil seated at the table this day.  For one of the high council called for more Baijiu, and for the jugs to be filled again with the poison elixir, and for the toasting to continue.  Barry the Wise turned to Allan the Master of Coin and whispered two simple words.  "Help me!".

So, much to the disappointment of Barry the Wise and his colleagues, more of the poison elixir called Baijiu was consumed.  Barry the Wise began to feel the effects of the poison elixir called Baijiu.  He started to feel dizzy, he giggled to himself and laughed at Lord Kens jokes, and wanted to tell everyone at the great feast how much he loved them.  No really, he loved them all.  He also felt inclined to jump on the table and sing, a popular form of entertainment in the Middle Kingdom.  Maybe not for the people who had to listen to Barry the Wise sing, but definitely for him.



After what seemed like an eternity, but was in fact only 2 hours, the feast ended and the members of the high council retired to their quarters.  Lord Ken and Allan the Master of Coin returned to their homes, Prince Luca retired to his chambers, and Barry the Wise went back to work.  He did not do much teaching of the magic box called radio that afternoon as his head was spinning, but he still had the urge to tell everyone he loved them.  However, he did spend alot of time sharing the story of the great feast, and his dislike for the poison elixir called Baijiu.

If you do decide to travel to the Middle Kingdom, remember the story of Barry the Wise and his colleagues, and of the poison elixir they call Baijiu.  Whether you drink it or not, that is up to you.  But if you do drink it, and you like the poison elixir called Baijiu, please tell Barry the Wise.  He would so love to meet an actual person who enjoys it.

Oh, and everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.